Little kids are always told to follow their dreams. That they can do anything if they set their minds to it. That's what I was told. I'm sure that's what you were told. But it isn't that easy, is it? The truth is that reality gets in the way of our dreams. Sure some people get there. But not everybody can be those people. So what's the difference?
I think the difference is more than the presence of roadblocks. Sure some run into more than others, and some larger than others. But the real difference is between those who come to accept the dead ends and those who build new roads.
I officially sound like a self-help guide.
But really... I just finished telling a friend that he can still do what he wants to do--even if he's off track, even if it will take awhile, even if it feels like he can't. Then I realized that I'm a total hypocrite.
In high school, when I was trying to determine what to do with the rest of my life (a.k.a. my college major), I had multiple ideas. One in particular was Fashion Design. I love fashion, and I've been sketching designs for years. I can't sew, but (if I do say so myself) the designs I had were damn decent. And I've been improving. But as was pointed out to me, fashion is tough. It's hit or miss, and if I were to miss, I'd have nothing to fall back on except for rough drawings.
And so I chose English. Creative Writing to be specific. Don't get me wrong. I love Creative Writing: I love grammar, and reading, and editing. And surely I will find a decent career in the field. But is it safe? Is that why I chose it? I have always been a bookworm. I have always been a good writer. I have always been detail-oriented and able to spot errors. I'm not risking anything.
It will be difficult for me to fail. It might still be difficult for me to excel, but even if I don't excel, I certainly won't fail. At least not completely. So what's the point? What's the point in attempting what I already know I can do? There's no question. It's a guarantee. I can't lose. It's like a fixed game. How could I celebrate the win? How will I ever be satisified with my "accomplishments?" Is that what they are? Or are they just easy goals?
I don't know anymore. Somewhere along the line I stopped dreaming, and I'm not sure I can write my way out of this one.
